Diary of a Web Courtesan

A Good Time Was Had

2006-04-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

Or I guess I was had, lol! Sgt. and I finally got to get naughty together last night, for the first time in like two weeks. (His own damn fault for having a blood-phobia - I'd be all for doin' it on my period!) Anyhow, we'd been groping & teasing each other all day, and when his mum (who'd been over for dinner) was gone and the kids were settled at last we were able to indulge. I started things off by draping myself ostentatiously across the bed, presenting my plump, naked bottom to him for some attention. I love having my cheeks squeezed and kneaded, and judging from the stiffie he was sporting after a little while of this he enjoys doing it. I returned the favor by giving that stiffie some of my attention, slurping it down and enjoying the feel of it hard and slippery in my mouth. We moved into a little doggie-style screwing after that, and finished up in one of his favorite positions, with me lying on my tummy with my legs closed as he straddles my thighs and enters me from behind. It's not deep penetration but the friction must be wonderful. Great position for butt sex too, which I was rather hoping for last night, but I also was having a lot of fun flexing my pussy-muscles around him and poor Sgt. didn't stand much of a chance against my wiles. I was forced (poor me!) to masturbate a few more times after he'd gone to sleep, repeatedly pleasuring myself with my favorite black rubber butt-plug in the shower. I also decided last night that the next new feature in my member's area is going to be a chat feature. At times like that I don't want to go through the whole routine of cleaning up, dressing up, and setting up to go on webcam but it would be awful nice to be able to more casually hang out with some of my admirers and satisfy my naughty urges in company.

Kids vs. Pornophile Sex Life

2006-04-08T05:32:00.000-07:00

So Sgt and I were squeezed together in our tiny bathroom this morning, and I was taken with a hankering to suck his cock. I considered it for a moment, dismissing the notion with regret...our little daughter was sitting in our bedroom watching cartoons, and even if she didn't come knocking on the door he'd have to walk out in front of her sporting a stiffie. Moments like this must happen to all parents but they have a particular relevance for somebody who works in the porn industry because of the constant threat of prosecution. It's (hopefully) not likely but if I were ever to have to defend myself in court how would something like that look? If we ever, even for a minute, display any sexuality in front of our kids...if they ever accidentally get into my work files...if they're ever present in the house when I'm doing a webcam show, or taking pictures...just how long do you think it would take the legal bureaucracy or the media to turn us into a couple of child-abusing pedophiles? I try not to let these thoughts rule me too much, and in the end Sgt's cock did get a few minutes of attention (after the little one made her obligatory intrusion, lol!). It's a real bummer for my sex life though.

I Can Do Without Friends Like That

2006-04-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

I was thinking this morning, when I was furtively sucking my husband's cock in the bathroom and he was saying "oh, yeah, that's my good girl" (more on this later) about the alarmingly prevalent notion that porn is horribly degrading to women, and that women only participate in the making of it because they're forced to. This pisses me off because, speaking as a slut, what they are saying to me is I can't really be a "good" girl if I like to fuck. If I actually enjoy having dicks stuffed in all my holes, getting dirty and sweaty and messy and used and even having pictures taken of the experience, then I must be either so abused I'm incapable of reasoning for myself or else I'm a vicious bitch who's working with the enemy, exploiting her sisters for personal gain. Either way I become not morally worthy of, say, teaching children or possibly even raising my own. This is offensive in the extreme, and betrays the very basis of feminism - that women should have control over their own bodies and lives. The so-called liberals who espouse this devious mentality are in reality forcing women back into the madonna/whore cage we struggled to escape from forty years ago.

Artful Titties

2006-03-31T06:04:00.000-08:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060331/ap_on_fe_st/sketch_pad_nudity_1 Christopher Teague, owner of titty bar "Erotic City," thumbed his nose at Boise, Idaho's restrictions against nude dancing last year by handing out sketch pads and pencils so the patrons could draw the dancers, who presumably had left off their usual required-by-law pasties and g-strings. Predictably, authorities aren't buying the ploy and he now faces a minor fine and six months in jail. He has a point though, when he says "What are they doing on stage? It's dancing. Is it an art form? Of course it is." Humans have made artistic expressions (including dances) to represent and provoke emotional responses throughout the history of the species. Some would say that it is the defining characteristic of our species. In the recent past however, we have allowed artists free reign to incite every emotion but one - sexual arousal. A work can be aimed at frightening us, enraging us, making us laugh...but if it's aimed at arousing us, it's considered "obscene" and unworthy of being called art.

Finally!

2006-03-26T10:31:00.000-08:00

The week from hell turned out to have a rather glorious ending. After several months of hard overtime, during which Sgt Knickers has not been available to take naughty pictures of me, I was way behind and had literally nothing left in my photo stockpile. Then, just when the OT was supposed to be ending, Sgt came down with a REALLY bad stomach virus (I was quite worried). So instead of an extra pair of hands with kids & housework I had an invalid to tend and extra laundry. Then to top it all off, my pc succumbed to some equally noxious bug (think it was a spyware issue), which took me the better part of two days to sort out. The turning point came on Friday, when Sgt was still too wiped out to work but not too ill to hold a camera. I got to get my hair & nails done - a rare treat as good as a vacation! - and we shot some great pics. Sgt really liked the series of me as a southern belle in a minidress, but my personal favorites were the series of me "at work" in my garden, my pride and joy. Have I mentioned that planting things turns me on?

My Pride and Joy

2006-03-26T09:20:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple of pics of my pride and joy...

Anybody Gone Wild

2006-03-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

Ya'll remember what I was saying about the girls gone wild t'other day? Check this out Undercover police are now going into bars in Texas and arresting people for public drunkenness, the rationale being that: "We feel that the only way we're going to get at the drunk driving problem and the problem of people hurting each other while drunk is by crackdowns like this," she said. "There are a lot of dangerous and stupid things people do when they're intoxicated, other than get behind the wheel of a car," Beck said. "People walk out into traffic and get run over, people jump off of balconies trying to reach a swimming pool and miss." - Carolyn Beck, spokeswoman for the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission Maybe I should have titled that last entry More Practical Prophesy.

The Fall

2006-03-21T17:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, it's been pointed out to me that I probably ought to be putting some pictures in this thing, to break up all my dry boring rants. *grin* So I thought I'd start off with a video capture from the infamous cucumber show where I broke the stage with my orgasmic thrashing. Yeah, I know it's blurry, but I was falling at the time!

Losing My Vegetable Virginity

2006-03-19T06:21:00.000-08:00

So there I am, with a cucumber stuffed in my snatch and a vibrator pressed against my clit, tearing into my fourth orgasm, when I feel the ominous sensation of the "stage" giving way beneath me. I guess I should have known better than to sit right at the weakest point of a platform I already suspected of being rickety. The little plastic clips holding the two sides of my stage together wiggled loose during my previous exertions and just as I reached my thrashing, moaning peak the two halves decided to part company. I've not yet examined the footage but I can just imagine what it looked like as I abruptly dropped from view, accompanied by loud crashing noises and flying debris. Did I mention that I was in mid-orgasm? Up until now my most embarrassing on-camera moments have been the times when my dog comes nosing around (don't get your hopes up, she's never part of the action). But hey, somebody still said it was hot. I know I will always vividly remember my very first vegetable encounter. *grin* I wonder if "fat girls busting furniture" is a marketable niche?

Girls Gone Wild

2006-03-08T10:16:00.000-08:00

So I'm reading in the news about how the AMA has done a study which revealed a lot of college women like to get really drunk and have less-than-careful sex on spring break trips. The AMA, naturally, feels obliged to warn young women about the health risks involved in these activities and to urge college administrations etc to endorse "alternative" activities. Now, leaving aside the small detail that only 27% of the women surveyed had even gone on a spring break trip (which shows that no matter what the perception of these trips is, they are definitely not the norm for college women), what troubles me is how, in our society, the "powers that be" seem determined to stamp out every occasion that gives license to carouse. Back in the day (and I'm talking about really back in the day, through thousands of years of human history - not just the last couple of industrialized centuries) there were publicly sanctioned occasions for riotous celebration, often involving drink or drugs and promiscuous sex: May Day festivals and harvest fairs, courtship processions and Saturnalias celebrating the pagan gods of every culture. I would not deny that there are risks involved in the modern celebration of spring break, and certainly it's commonsensical to urge young women to take care of themselves at all times. Still, in today's world a public health warning is a small step away from legislation (how many states have passed laws against public smoking, even in bars?) and I have to wonder what harm we are doing, to our culture and to the human spirit, by denying the need to cut loose. It seems to me we've always had these occasions because something in us needs that break from good sense, that opportunity to disregard the rules of respectability.

Woe is Me

2006-03-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

I've had a noxious ear infection growing all weekend (silly me for not going to the doctor last Friday!) which has kept me from doing damn near anything. Including sleeping. That's the bad news. How much does it hurt you ask? Well, you know how in horror movies there's always somebody with a huge, throbbing boil that at some point explodes, spraying gore everywhere and releasing some kind of horrid beastie? I suspect one of those beasties has taken up residence in the vicinity of my right ear. The good news is that about the only thing I've been able to do is stare mindlessly (and without moving my head too much) at the computer screen, and since Sgt's been around to play houseboy I have spent the whole weekend in bed doing so. Progress is slow as I am about as doped up as I can be with non-prescription medications, but I've managed to finish (more or less) my boudoir redesign. It's nice to see how my coding skills have grown over the last year.

I Love My Stretch Marks

2006-03-02T00:29:00.000-08:00

Anybody who thinks a woman can top 200lbs without having stretch marks at least on her belly and probably on her thighs, tits, and arms as well, is a right nutter. Still I have noticed that most bbw porn websites and magazines will airbrush them out. It's all about the fantasy after all, isn't it? When I started out doing this a year ago I airbrushed the fuck out of every little blemish. Of course, at the time I was very conscious of competing with a bunch of skinny coeds for the worn-panty market. Nowadays I've gotten a lot more relaxed. Oh, there's plenty of stuff I still touch up - with my fair skin every bruise and bug bite is dreadfully visible - but I no longer bother about the stretch marks snaking down my belly or the little furrow between my brows. I still hate that wrinkle (and I'd get it "done" in a heartbeat if I could afford it!) but I always rather liked my stretch marks. They remind me of lizards, little pinkish salamanders sunning themselves on my skin.

Getting off My Arse

2006-02-25T22:27:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted much lately because I've been busting ass trying to figure out the marketing end of this business. This last year has been a whirlwind of stuffing my head full of new things; html and php coding, graphic design, photography...and, of course, everything I can cram into my skull about marketing in general, porn marketing in particular, and bbw porn marketing in very particular (yes, the rules are different!). Unfortunately for my bank balance and my sanity, selling has never been my strong point. To that end I have added a new "Hot Links" page and am busily searching out other unique, (preferably) elegant, and arousing sites to hit up for link trades. I've also applied for a couple of reviews. Wish me luck.

Yep, I'm A Domesticated Animal

2006-02-11T19:18:00.000-08:00

Made a big pot of chili today, and have spent the evening (I'm not done yet) spring-cleaning my fish tank. I'm doing a really thorough job too, scrubbing every piece of gravel with a little tiny brush. Just kidding. *grin* It is heavily infested with hairlike green algae though, and since my fish won't eat the stuff I must make some effort to control it myself or else it'll choke out everything else in the tank. It's a 55gal freshwater tank, with a bunch of plants I can't at this moment remember the names of, half a dozen pristella tetras, four neon tetras, four khuli loaches and one big lonely angelfish. I love animals; and not in a big-eyed puppy calendar kind of way. I feel closer to the divine when observing the animals around me, both wild and domestic, than at any other time. I could not imagine living without companions of other species, nor would I dream of raising my children without them. I wish I could have many more beasties in my menagerie and I sincerely hope that when the kids are old enough to help take care of them I will - but don't tell my husband this, hehehe! He thinks we permanently downsized my menagerie when we had kids. ;-)

Bummed

2006-02-10T05:55:00.000-08:00

I love doing this, but sometimes it can be vicious depressing. You try one thing - no sales, you try another thing - no sales, on and on and on, and the whole time you're pumping money into it for marketing or equipment, trying to constantly improve your product. And then the customers often act like you ought to be rolling in it, so why do you need their $10 (or whatever) so bad?* It's tax time now so I'm about to find out exactly how much money I've lost over the past year, which naturally leads to thoughts of how much my family could have used that money for other things. (To fill you in, my family of four is living on one slightly-above-poverty-level wage.) For anybody considering going into the porn business, consider me a lesson - this is not a no money down, get rich quick scheme! There have been many times when I wonder what the hell I'm doing, plugging away at this. But then I think about what else might I do, and I realize that I can't even imagine a job I'm better fitted for, one that more completely suits my skills, talents, interests and personality. This would be my absolute dream job, if only I was making money at it. *Like the shoe-fetish wanker I had earlier this week, who assured me I must be able to find something more his style in my closet. Um, excuse me, (I was thinking) who do you think is buying me shoes? Cause you sure aren't!

Time Wasters

2006-02-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

I managed to schedule some time this morning to spend on PrivateCamz. This is always a big pain in the butt for me, between finding a babysitter, clearing away all the familial clutter, and not being able to get anything else done while I'm sitting around on camera; so I don't do it very often (although I suspect I'd make a lot more money if I did.) Very shortly after I log on, this guy with a high-heels fetish comes into my room. First he wants me to try on some heels, then he doesn't like the style and wants a different shoe. He wants to see me standing up, and wants me to move the camera to the floor so he can better see my feet. He wants me to dig around and find black fishnet stockings...on and on, and meanwhile six or seven other guys have come into my lobby and immediately left because I'm busy chatting with this wanker. Finally I say to him look honey, if you're not going to take me private I'm going to have to kick you out because I need to make a living and you're chasing away all my potential customers. He says "well, you'll have to convince me" Come on dude...I've spent better than half an hour entertaining you already! If you're not convinced by now that you want to see me jilling off you never will be, and you and I both know it. Actually, what I know - and what he'd never admit - is that this jackass is looking for a free show. The worst part is, after I boot the guy from my room, I sit around for a further 45 mins and nobody comes in. Now my time is up, I wasted my entire morning doing nothing (not even getting off!) and those unpaid bills are still piling up. I loathe time wasters.

Appropriate Responses

2006-02-07T07:23:00.000-08:00

When my little girl snatches away her brother's toy and runs with it he often retaliates by whacking her upside the head with something. I invariably scold him for this, reminding him that beating up his sister is an inappropriate response to the provocation. There's lots of inappropriate responses in the news, but most recently there's this immense brouhaha over some editorial cartoons published by a Danish newspaper. A brouhaha which includes burning embassies and killing people. Now folks, I'm sorry - it doesn't matter how offensive you find those images, burning buildings and killing folks is an entirely inappropriate response. This, however, is an entirely appropriate response: Iran Daily Holds Holocaust Cartoon Contest And to all those folks who are now bleating about what a dastadly trick this is, listen up. The rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" are, I know, an American value-set, but they are also ones with which most people would agree. Please notice how in there there's no "right" not to be offended. Getting miffed by the things other folks say is the price we pay for having the freedom to say what we like ourselves. Deal with it.

Remodeling Progress

2006-02-05T03:31:00.000-08:00

I went live early yesterday morning with the newest iteration of Chateau Cherie. I think this latest version captures my personality a lot better than the last one. Whether it improves my sales any remains to be seen. They certainly can't get much worse. C'mon guys - I can't keep doing this if ya'll don't buy subscriptions! There's still a bunch of stuff needing to be added - first on the list is getting my newsletter signup functioning - but the old pages sucked so bad that I couldn't wait any longer to get rid of them. Even in it's incomplete state the new site is an improvement.

More Practical Prophesy

2006-01-28T18:49:00.000-08:00

A hundred years from now, Katrina Cottages will be as famous in architectual history as Craftsman Bungalows.

Pangs of Nostalgia

2006-01-16T15:22:00.000-08:00

I have had three great loves in my life (and countless small ones). Funnily enough for anyone who observes the apparent hetero-focus of my current life, two of them have been other women. I really am one of the most bisexual people you'd ever meet - I not only don't have a preference for one or the other set of genitalia, I find little actual difference between men and women as lovers. Obviously, I have had both. But that's beside the point today. I went googling for one of those loves last night, a woman I was involved with in college. It ended badly, which was my fault, and I have long been pained by the knowledge that I was not good enough for her. I don't say that as a complaint but as an honest summation of our capabilities. She's the type who's driven to save the world, and knowing her, she'll do it. I flirted with world-saving in my youth, but really I am content to tend my own tiny life-garden, and hope that my small everyday efforts will aggregate with those of others. I've tried to console myself for the loss of her love with the knowledge that we really weren't suited in a million ways, but it still hurt. I learnt last night that my former lover is now a doctor, as she'd planned, and has traveled the world doing important work bringing health services and especially AIDS prevention resources to poor rural communities. It's still not exactly a happy thing, this memory of love, but I am so damn proud of her that all the rest dwindles into shadow, serving only to emphasize the depth and brightness of my joy at having known her. You go, DWK.

Idle Musings

2006-01-13T09:02:00.000-08:00

I'm half-watching this "Life of Birds" documentary, and they're talking about a bird that wears makeup, lol! This bird paints it's white feathers & beak with stuff that makes them look yellow. So far it seems to me that the only thing that really sets us apart from the other animals is fashion. Other animals do everything we do, they just don't insist on having a new version of whatever it is every season. :-p

Happy Holidays, blah blah blah

2005-12-30T11:41:00.000-08:00

I love the holidays, really I do. But this is my first year as mother to a school-age child and I now understand to the depths of my soul why parents can't wait for xmas vacation to be over. School starts again Monday, not a moment too soon. The need for constant vigilance over the nefarious schemes of my offspring has kept me from doing much this month. Most disappointingly, I didn't get to work on my new panty mistress site at all. :-( I did finally decide on a domain name at least (dress-me-up.com). The good news is that I have *finally* scrounged together the $750 for my Visa registration fee.

My New Year's Resolutions

2005-12-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

1) Recycle 2) Go Canoeing 3) Listen more to my children 4) Renew my library books BEFORE they're overdue 5) Learn to have squirting orgasms

Porn Empowerment

2005-12-09T07:15:00.000-08:00

A lot of people are obsessed with the notion that working in porn, prostitution, or anywhere else in the sex industry "degrades" women. Mostly, I think, this is because they deeply believe that women oughtn't to be slutty, but that's not what I want to talk about today. I want to look at the flip side - how sex work empowers women. Most folks (like here at the WebWhore Manifesto) who would dare to suggest that working in the sex industry can be empowering for women look at it in an economic sense - sex work is one of the few fields where a woman can really be in control of her work, and make decent money, doing something that isn't exactly a chore for those who choose it. (Please note that I said for those who CHOOSE it - women who are forced into sex work deserve the same protections and right to redress that ANYONE forced into ANY kind of slavery deserve.) The economic argument is a good one, but I want to make a more personal one. I am coming to this field as a 35 year old mother of two - that's a pretty long way from our society's stereotype of a sex goddess, and when you add the fact that I weigh close to 250lbs, don't exactly have perfect skin or features, and have more than my share of scars and wonky bits, the distance between me and desirable, in mainstream terms, widens to something like the Grand Canyon. I could (and have) fall into the trap of thinking of myself as unsexy, as ugly even. I still get nervous about every little flaw before I go on cam, and I consider the touch-up tool to be the most vital element of my photo-editing program, but once I get in front of an audience of a hundred...two hundred...even three or four hundred men (and women!) who are continuously telling me how hot I am, how excited watching me makes them, all that falls away. I feel powerful, exalted, filled with a confidence that carries over into everything I do. Now that's empowerment. Even if my endeavor never turns a profit I will consider it to have been valuable for that reason. Becoming comfortable with and confident in one's own body is a treasure not to be lightly dismissed, and I can think of few better ways to accomplish that feat than to masturbate for an audience. Beats the pants off joining a health club. One final thought: In every show there's always one dipshit who thinks it's funny to make the same lame-ass fat jokes, and to that person I always have the same thing to say: I'm turning a lot more people on here than you are.

Pedophile Paranoia

2005-11-30T06:11:00.000-08:00

My husband is a wonderful father. I never had a father myself, and all my friend's dads were such cretins that it never occurred to me a dad might be a good thing to have until I saw how great he is with our kids. He's patient, playful, and obviously loves nothing better than bringing joy to their little faces. He also, frequently, tells me how awkward he feels - how distrusted, disapproved of even - when he interacts with other children in public places. Even when he takes our kids to the playground, so it's blatantly obvious he has a legitimate reason to be there and to be involved with the kids, he says he's hesitant to help another child use the swings or climb to the slide. Most especially, he avoids touching them. Now think about that. In our cultural obsession with pedophilia we have created a climate where a man who is already a father struggles to be seen as "safe" for children. Imagine how much worse it is for a single man. Men are seen as having no legitimate reason for wanting to be with children, to play with them, to (God forbid!) cuddle them. This is wrong in so many ways. Kids need cuddling. Kids - boys especially - need to interact with men as well as women. Denying men the chance to interact affectionately with children passes the message that men aren't caring, that daddies should play little or no part in kid's lives, that all men are a hair's breadth away from being sexual predators. Is this true? Is this what we want? Is this the message we want our little boys to grow up accepting? The battle against porn - phrased as it is, in America, as a battle to protect children - only exacerbates this. Don't believe me about how the US equates porn with pedophilia? Check out this link for a layperson's estimation of the new USC 2257 regulations, or this one for a more comprehensive legal evaluation. These regulations were sold to the public as important measures to prevent the "exploitation of children by pornographers" - the very fact that such a tactic could work shows that pornography=pedophilia is a notion already firmly implanted in the public psyche! And naturally, as the primary consumers of porn, men bear the flak of being suspected of closet pedophilia. You know what I think we have here? An underhanded, despicable attempt to reintroduce the idea that women should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen (what the Christian right would no doubt call family values). Women's work can only include things like CEO of a Fortune 500 company or President of the United States if Men's work includes caring for children, and as long as we continue to think of male sexuality (which includes their liking for porn) as something dangerous this situation will persist.

Ta-Da!

2005-11-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

After spending the last week or so glued to my computer, I have just gone live with the most recent iteration of my site. It's funny, this web publishing business - the second you get one redesign done your mind starts fiddling with ideas for the next one. I keep a running list of stuff I mean to add or change. The next really big thing on my list is to get set up to accept Visa cards, but since that requires a $750 sign-up fee (which I'm about $675 short of) it won't be happening in the immediate future. What will be happening very soon (I hope) is that I will be moving to a new host, one that's better able to handle the needs of an adult paysite. When this happens I'll be launching my second website which will be devoted to my Panty Mistressing "hobby," and removing the worn panty pages from Chateau Cherie. I decided to separate the two endeavors for lots of reasons, which I'm just too damn tired to try and write a coherent explanation of tonight.

A Statement of Faith

2005-11-18T23:03:00.000-08:00

I call myself a pagan for two basic reasons. First, that I believe monotheism, the idea that there is only "one true god" or one way to god, is fundamentally false and harmful. I am a polytheist, and in my world, that of Christian America, a polytheist is a pagan. Second, my taste in religious ritual - how I seek to touch the divine - runs more toward solitary nakedness, candles, and chanting than putting on a demure dress and gathering together with a bunch of other folks to congratulate ourselves on how much god loves us. That said, however, my understanding of the universe does strongly lean toward the idea that there was a single source, a creator (or maybe even team of creators) who designed the universe and laid down the rules from which everything else - including us - arises. The entire system by which the smallest particles become stars and animals is a system so elegant in it's simplicity, yet so complex and endlessly innovative in execution, that it seems to me quite miraculous. And beautiful, and for those who ponder what the "purpose" of the whole thing is, I can only suggest that a thing of beauty exists to be beautiful. Further articles of faith - I consider it presumptuous in the extreme for anybody to say that they speak for god. I don't think god gives a damn what we do in the sack, or with who. I think the best way to know god is to study the evidence of creation. To learn the physical laws of the universe, and to examine all life, everywhere - not just human life. We are part of creation, not the masters of it! What does this have to do with porn? Many in the anti-porn crowd would insist that people who make/use porn have no morals, no values, no faith, which is complete and utter bullshit. My faith, my morals and values, are as strong as Pat Robertson's, but I would suggest that my values are truer, more wholesome, and far more honest.

More Orgasms

2005-11-17T08:44:00.000-08:00

I'm working on a redesign of my free area, putting in a proper tour, and for this I'm making a montage of video clips with a specific theme - me just about to cum. I do that a lot in my shows, so I have TONS of orgasms to sort through, and naturally, it gets me to ruminating on the subject of orgasms. I wonder if I could learn to squirt? I think maybe I could, since I've done it before (see my Orgasm entry for more) I think it would take lots of leisurely masturbation though, which is something I don't have much time for lately. It'd make a good new years resolution though. *giggle* In fact, my very best masturbating sessions are always during my live member shows. The delicious ritual of shaving, dressing, putting on my makeup and setting the stage, stretching out and a little pre-play, followed by one full hour of banging away at whatever orifice I feel like filling, with whichever toy(s) takes my fancy, while an audience of hundreds of men (and women, yum!) watches and masturbates with me. I'm old enough to know that whatever kink currently holds my interest is likely to change, but for now I can imagine nothing hotter. Poor Sgt Knickers is not so lucky, he's a voyeur at heart not an exhibitionist and being in front of all those eyes gives him the willies. Nothing worse for the stiffness of a willy than a case of the willies :-p Thankfully he's getting more comfortable on camera when it's just us two, as I really enjoy doing more hardcore stuff sometimes and I'm not *quite* ready to go fucking other men. Or perhaps I should say we haven't met the right man yet - I get plenty of offers from guys that claim to be dying to get a piece of my sweet ass, but none yet has struck me with the right combination of respect and slut-appreciation. (Slut-appreciation - that's one of those technical terms, describing the guy who knows some girls are sluts-at-heart, and LOVES them for it. You know, the one who's thinking "I would give my left nut to meet a girl like that!") Anyhow, back to orgasms. I've decided, after much reflection, that the kind of orgasms I frequently have during my shows - which I've called "type 2" or "type 3" orgasms - must be g-spot orgasms. It feels good all over, having something inside me, but there's one particular spot that almost like a push-button to set me cumming. Gotta be the g-spot, eh? Many women who have squirting orgasms say they are g-spot orgasms, so that bodes well for my new year's resolution. The difference between the one time I squirted and the ones I have all the time is that the squirting orgasm was a combination g-spot AND clitoral orgasm. Now if I can just figure out how I got my body to do that...

The Sanctity of Sex

2005-11-16T11:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm reading the news, and I come across this article decrying the production of "The Vagina Monologues" at some college. The author's opinion was that this play was thinly disguised porn, and that it's production (and in fact, all porn) was a creeping smut on our society, destroying the sanctity of sex. The sanctity of sex - that's the exact phrase she used, and I can't stop thinking about it. Sanctity - the holiness of life and character, or the quality or state of being holy or sacred (Merriam-Webster online) I would wholeheartedly agree that sex is, or at least ought to be, something sacred. The question is, does talking about sex, showing pictures of it, discussing how to do it (and how not to do it), or does just plain doing it, destroy this sanctity? Well, does talking about God destroy the sanctity of God? Does showing religious imagery, talking about what you do in church or what you pray for, destroy the sanctity of your faith? I think the author of my article, and pretty much any person of faith, would agree that it does not. Why then does looking at and talking about sex destroy it's sanctity? What's going on here is another example of the moral double-speak of the religious right. Preserving the "sanctity" of sex, to them, requires hiding sex, especially all the nitty-gritty physical details: the sights, the sounds, the smells and bodily fluids, the sensual reactions to often inexplicable stimulus. In fact, it requires treating sex like something to be ashamed of. Quite the opposite of something sacred.

Tinkering

2005-11-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

I have been tinkering with the look of my diary, as you may have noticed. *eyeroll* It looks ever so pretty in the "preview" window, but when published my pretty graphics & colors inexplicably disappear. Why is it that web programming sometimes seems so much like voodoo? Ah, well, I'm sure to figure it out eventually. As for ya'll, lovely readers, be sure to check out the new links I've added to your right. Especially Adorable Audrey. She's such a sweet tart, my mouth waters just looking at her!

Hallelujah

2005-11-11T21:16:00.000-08:00

My Mom's test results are in, and they're the best possible, better than we dared to hope. The biopsy showed no signs of malignancy. She'll have to be monitored every few months for changes, but for now everything's fine.

Cock Worship

2005-11-06T06:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was reading this treatise summarizing the modern debate about pornography, and it got me to thinking about cock worship. Why cock worship? Well, according to one school of feminist thought (for convenience let's call it the MacKinnon school), pornography is bad and ought to be censored because it promotes the degradation of women. There's some debate within this over whether all sexually explicit material produced for the purposes of arousing us are pornographic or whether some such material can be classed as harmless "erotica." (Yes, I really am getting to my point - bear with me a little longer!) Those who choose to split this hair are then left with the quandary of which naughty movies (or whatever) are pornographic and which are merely erotic, with the main basis for deciding being whether it is degrading to women (these feminists are gracious enough to say that men shouldn't be pornographically degraded either). Now for the cock worship. Cock worship - licking, kissing, sucking on the male member, rubbing it reverently against one's face and body, generally behaving as though the wielder of said dick is god-like for having it - is a sexual activity that might suggest degradation by those standards. A MacKinnon feminist might say that movies and pictures showing women worshipping cock promote a society where men expect all women to worship cock, and where men don't value women's intellectual and leadership contributions. Some of these feminists might even refuse to believe that the women who make such pornography are truly willing & satisfied to be doing so, insisting that the poor porn-victim-women are essentially forced to participate by the pornography-permitting society. But why? Why is it so allfire degrading to treat with reverence the genitals of one's sex partners? I like it when the Sgt. kisses, licks, worships my cunt and ass, and generally treats me like a goddess for being the possessor of the longed-for pussy. I like it a lot. Why should I not do the same for him? A MacKinnon feminist might argue that the prevalence of pornography depicting cock-worshipping women gives the idea that all women desire to worship cock, and that that's all women are good for. This seems pretty damn nonsensical to me. At least, speaking as a woman who not only loves to "worship" cock but also to be seen in public doing so, any guy who makes the mistake of thinking I'm stupid or unwilling/able to stand up for myself is going to find out differently pretty damn quick. One who assumes that because I like doing it, and am not afraid to say so, I'm going to do it for him is going to be equally disappointed. And you know what? He will be disappointed. The jackass guys who fall into these errors want it just as bad as the nice guys. Maybe more, since jackasses have a harder time getting laid. I consider this a source of power over all the jackasses of the world - they want what I've got, and I am in the privileged position of being able to teach them the important lesson that you don't get the good pussy unless you deserve it.

Orgasms

2005-10-30T12:30:00.000-08:00

Since I started doing live shows on the camz network I have discovered my special talent. Ok, so I knew I had this "power" but hadn't before realized that it was all that remarkable. I am multi-orgasmic. Seriously multi-orgasmic. It takes a bit to get to that first peak, but once I'm there it's like "bang!bang!bang!" (I suspect I hit the first peak a lot more readily than most women too.) I've had some folks in my shows saying "that MUST be fake," which is a little annoying, since the only way I could prove I'm really orgasming is if they were literally inside me, and I'm not gonna invite every Joe Schmoe on the planet to come experience me from the inside out! I actually have more than one kind of orgasm, and I wonder how common that is in women. I have what I call "type 1" orgasms, which are the slowly building, immensely satisfying ones I achieve purely from clitoral stimulation. Then there's the type 2's and type 3's, which may actually be the same thing - achieved from penetration of the vagina (type 2) or anus (type 3) It's like there's this ultra-sensitive spot inside me (my g-spot? whatever it is, I know it's too far in to reach with my short lil fingers); bang on it just right for only a minute or two and I'm seeing stars and biting the pillow to keep from yelling. (Or just yelling if I'm doing a show - I never fake it, but I've no problem at all making it noisier than it would be if I didn't have an audience ;-D) These are like the popcorn of orgasms, they just keep coming and coming, and the only reason I even need to stop between orgasms is to catch my breath. (The type 1's I need a couple of hours between, and I can only have about five a day - I don't know how many of the others I could have!) Then there's the type 4, which I have actually only experienced once, and which was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I was riding Sgt at the time, and came so, so hard, it was like a type 1 & 2 combined - I even squirted (only time I've ever done that either.) A truly transcendent experience. The other really cool thing about my orgasms is they way they just go on and on. I've read that the average length of a female orgasm is 15 seconds; it's not at all uncommon for mine to last 30 or even 60 seconds, and I get "aftershocks" sometimes as much as an hour later. All those Kegels really pay off!

My politics are showing

2005-10-30T11:29:00.000-08:00

So Libby's been indicted. I was reading an editorial in the local (liberal) newspaper the other day, in which the writer expressed the opinion that if Patrick Fitzgerald chose to file indictments for such charges as obstruction of justice that would be just as wrong as Kenneth Starr's prosecution of Bill Clinton on similar charges. Obviously the die-hard Bush fans will raise a hue and cry, trying to persuade us that it's another case of partisan prosecution, but I think there's an extremely important difference. Bill Clinton was charged for lying about something that had nothing whatsoever to do with what the initial investigation was about. Whether or not Clinton had sex with Monica was completely irrelevant to the Whitewater investigation. Libby, on the other hand, lied about the matter under investigation. Somebody in the White House, pissed off because of the criticism that their attempts to start a war were getting from Ms. Plame's husband, undertook to destroy her cover, discredit his work, and generally make life difficult for both of them. Deliberately and apparently with the full support of the administration. We're talking a national security matter folks, not just a blowjob. I hope I'm not the only American out there who can see the difference. The conservative camp is always making a fuss about values and integrity. I say it's about damn time we stopped letting them make a mockery of those words. Going to church on Sunday does not a good Christian make, nor does loudly proclaiming one's "family values" make one a decent, trustworthy, and honorable human being.

News

2005-10-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

Funny how neither one of the doctors at the cancer center used the word "cancer." They skirted around it so delicately, but it hung there, ominously unsaid. My Mom goes in for a bone marrow biopsy next Wednesday, but so far every test (and we have been going through a round of them, including a last-minute xray this morning that forced the cancellation of my live show again) has come back with the wrong answers.

New Hair

2005-10-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

I went and got my hair cut yesterday, and I'm quite pleased with the results. I didn't mean to have it shortened much, but after trimming about 4" off the ends and layering it a bit so much weight was taken off my tresses that it went "sproing!" up into lovely curls. It doesn't come even down to my nipples now (had been almost waist length).

Practical Prophet

2005-10-17T19:07:00.000-07:00

I'm a webwhore by trade, but one of my hobbies is what I like to call practical prophecy. I like to think about what the future will be like. (I also like to think I'll be there to see it, but that's another discussion) So I'm checking out digital video editing software and most of the commercial packages come with a set of templates for stuff like birthdays, weddings, holiday at the beach and so on, and I wonder... Will there come a day when "naughty home movies" is one of the template choices? And would that be a good thing?

Fetish Queen

2005-10-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

So I'm fielding an inquiry from a possible customer about doing a pee video, and it gets me to thinking...doing fetish stuff like that is the most rewarding part of the job for me, in every sense. Sex is a physical thing, it depends on a physical response of arousal, and you can't intellectualize yourself into being turned on by piano music and fields of flowers if what you really want is stiletto heels mashing your testicles. Why do we get turned on by the things we do? Well shit, why do we prefer vanilla ice cream to chocolate, or vice versa? Who cares? As long as we're behaving responsibly, honorably even in satisfying our desires, why plague ourselves with unanswerable questions? I find it immensely satisfying to be the person these men can turn to me to find the understanding they deserve. In fact, I think folks with a kink tend to be more interesting than the average Joe schmoe who's only interested in seeing scrawny naked 18-year-olds. Is it degrading or even embarrassing to have a stranger watch me piss? Why should it be? I pee a dozen times a day, at least - I only wish I could get paid every time I go! Put it another way - if God made my body, did he intend for me to be ashamed of it's functions? Quite the opposite, I feel a real sense of power from the knowledge that some men (and women!) lust after these quite ordinary things enough to pay good money for them.

More drama

2005-10-14T15:11:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a week for health crisis. In addition to the bombshell about my Mom, we've all been through round 2 of whatever virus it is that's going around. I had my five year old to the doc Thursday morning after his fever rose to almost 103 F during the night, and Thursday evening was spent in the emergency room after the same child fell face first onto a terrazzo floor, dislodging his two front teeth. Needless to say, I was a little late in getting today's update done. I've also decided to stop updating my sample pics every week. No more wasting time giving out freebies. I have too much other stuff to do.

Oh shit.

2005-10-11T20:53:00.000-07:00

I found out today that my Mom may have bone marrow cancer.

Extreme Silliness

2005-10-06T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was another exhausting day, but also very entertaining. Sgt and I took pictures, which is always fun, and of the three series we did two were very silly indeed. One set was of me wearing the most outlandish balloon-bikini and then popping the balloons; the other involved whipped cream and cherries and got very, very messy. The balloon shots actually accompany a little video clip of me doing my "balloon-popping striptease," but I'm not sure how well that vid will come out as it was shot sideways. :-p

Mail's Here!

2005-10-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize how serious things had gotten until my last working vibrator gave up the hum. Things have been tight financially for a long time, not leaving much extra for "frivolities" like sex toys, and way back when I promised myself that I would replace my then recently-deceased rabbit vibe with a superior silicone model I never dreamed that I would be embarking on a new career that would really require the maintenance of a decent collection of toys. Things have changed however, and even though there's not any more money in the bank (the website still takes more $ to run than it makes), I couldn't go any longer without restocking my toy box. Trying to be a web-whore without toys is like trying to be a chef without spices. So I put in a few bids on eBay, and have just received a box full of cheap but serviceable goodies, including a new rabbit vibe (not, alas, the silicone model I long for) and a dual-bullet number that has two speeds - off and too damn fast. Also included in the box was one of the cheesiest pairs of handcuffs I've ever seen, only distinguishable from a child's toy because they're made of "real die-cast metal!" Still, they ought to look good in pictures. ;-p

Rats.

2005-09-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

So Jane's Guide finally, on my third application, came by to review my site; and they gave me an "original" but not a "quality" rating. I could go on about how disgruntled I am, but the bitter truth is that compared to a lot of the paysites out there my little effort is pretty lame. Still, everybody had to start somewhere. This week I've also submitted my site to the Booble, the adult search engine, and also to Jack Off Material. Plus I've applied to become a videochat host with the Camz network, which would allow me to "pipe in" a bunch of live video feeds to my boudoir, as well as give regularly scheduled webcam shows for my members. iFriends unfortunately doesn't allow me to do this; if I go free anybody who happens by would be able to come in. I want to add two or three live shows a week ASAP.

A Global Perspective

2005-08-31T10:14:00.000-07:00

As I was rubber-necking at the destruction in Louisiana and Mississsippi yesterday, it occurred to me... The same storm that killed hundreds and caused billions of dollars worth of damage in human terms will have stirred up a rich soup of nutrients from the depths of the Gulf of Mexico, which will precipitate a bloom in aquatic (and correspondingly in terrestrial) life.

Hurricane Alley

2005-08-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

I'm still goofing off (which means I'm only minding the munchkins and not trying to work on the website too :-p ), and I can't help but be riveted to The Weather Channel. One of the fiercest hurricanes ever recorded is blasting through New Orleans today. Here in Tampa Bay we watch these things go past us time and again, always knowing that it's not a matter of if one will hit us, it's a matter of when. The legendary (at least to us weather junkies) Jim Cantore has, as usual, been reporting from "ground zero," which in this case is a concrete building sitting 27' above sea level, and 1/2 mile north of the shore. He's been telling us about the water filling the lowest level of the building, and the cars floating by - and how the surge of water came in in about 20 minutes. It's the kind of thing you hear people say "I can't imagine" about, but I think everybody who lives here can imagine. The clouds that are dumping rain onto Mississipi, Alabama, and Louisiana today have been pouring a little on us too, the winds that are tearing apart buildings and trees have knocked down a few branches here as well. Last year, when folks were excaiming over the extraordinarily severe hurricane season, the weather dudes were quick to remind us that such severity was the average, that in fact we've just been going through a bit of a lull the past few decades. Add the effects of global warming to that, and I'm seriously concerned that the land my house sits on - about two miles from the ocean - will be waterfront property by the time I leave it to my kids. Or worse, underwater property. After all, waterfront property might actually be worth something if sold to one of the damn fools who apparantly think rebuilding their palatial homes every decade or so is a sort of status symbol. *eyeroll* Hurricane Katrina will, I expect, claim a couple hundred lives when all is said and done between the floods, tornadoes, and falling trees. (six fatalities in Florida already, five due to falling trees - must be some kind of record) It'll be listed as one of the most dangerous storms ever. What's astonishing really, is how a storm that's if anything fiercer than, say, the Indian super cylone of 1999, will take a few hundred souls here where the Indian storm killed 138,000 people. Why? Well, we have better warning systems. But mostly, I think, it's that a lot of folks over here have the means to get away. They've got cars, and money for hotel rooms (or relatives on higher ground). Some folks didn't have the means to get away from this one either. Many of them are huddled inside the Louisiana Superdome while the wind tears pieces off the roof, the levees fail, and Lake Pontchartrian fills the basin the city sits in with water. I wonder if someday my family will be one of those who haven't the means to get away.

Exhausted & Cranky

2005-08-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

The new subscription Chateau is almost ready to go, but - as usual - everything is about ten times more complicated as you think it'll be. I hoped to have it finished by wednesday, I was sure I'd have it done by friday, now here it is friday and I'm so flippin tired of hammering away at it that I just can't stand it anymore. I've got this week's gallery up (before noon even - most unusual!), I still have to do the peepshow, then I am taking the rest of the day off, dammit.

Tax-vixen

2005-08-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

I'm all the time talking about how I enjoy doing this for a living, but I have to tell you, some of the things I like about it are (I think) pretty damn funny. Like, when I realized that all my lingerie purchases would be tax deductible, I got physically aroused! How peculiar is that? *giggle*

No courtesans around here, pt 2

2005-08-25T06:06:00.000-07:00

As expected, CCBill have once again told me that "courtesan" is unacceptable, so off it goes. :'-( I can't hold it too much against them since, as I discovered in my attempts to find a decent substitute, "courtesan" is still pretty commonly used in some other parts of the world to mean naught but a woman who has sex for money. I can't think of an adequate replacement - "online companion" seems so lame! - and besides, I'm in a total snit today, not interested in playing with the guys unless they're expecting to get their asses whupped, so I'm just going to remove that section entirely. Dammit.

No courtesans around here.

2005-08-22T13:24:00.000-07:00

So after a weekend of hard work I go live with the radically renovated Chateau Cherie last night. I had not finalized the arrangments with the subscription billing company I'd chosen, CCBill, but I had no expectations of any problems when I was filling out the paperwork this morning. Alas, I was wrong, wrong, wrong. As with so many things in the world of "adult" business, there's finicky regulations hemming me in on all sides. Here I thought I was providing a site and a service a cut above, with something extra of intelligence, class, and real-womanliness to raise it above the standard "fuck my wet gaping holes" trash full of plastic doll-women and no sense of art, but apparantly because I am "describing herself as a courtesan which is a prostitute." and CCBill's AUP prohibits "Any and all sites running and/or participating and/or advertising the direct solicitation of sexual acts " I am required to drop my beloved designation. (I'm also not allowed to use the words "menstrual blood" as it's a - gasp! - bodily fluid, which is also a no-no. Never mind that it's a regular and perfectly normal occurence in the lives of nearly all real women, at least for a portion of their lives. Sigh.) Anyhow, while it's a minor matter to me to remove the words "menstrual blood" from the list of my fetish interests, it really hurts to stop calling myself a web courtesan. It's not as if I'm offering any actual physical contact; I'm not clever enough at scheduling to manage that even if I wanted to, what with two young kids and a husband to work around, lol! And for crying out loud, is there anybody who's delusional enough to insist that phone or webcam sex isn't a sexual service, providing sexual acts? If there are any guys out there who ARE dumbassed enough to claim this, you can be damn sure your wives and girlfriends feel differently. A courtesan is not merely a fast fuck, but also a woman who provides intelligent conversation and an atmosphere of artistic beauty and soothing acceptance which is refreshing to the mind and spirit as well as the libido. Yep, I guess she's also a prostitue, and frankly I got no problem with that. I don't think it's such a godawful thing that there should be women (and men, for that matter) who choose to work as erotic-stimulators-for-hire. IMO they (we!) provide a valuable and necessary service. Anyhow, I mean to ask the powers-that-be if I can remain a courtesan if I'm careful to attach a "web" or "digital" to it, to make it even more clear (duh!) that I'm not making any house-calls. I don't expect them to bend though, so if anybody knows any good synonyms for courtesan I'd appreciate hearing them. The only one I can think of is Geisha, and I just don't think I could pull that one off, being white and all.

Bwahahahaha!

2005-08-19T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm still so busy that posting anything here is the LAST thing on my mind, but I just had to take a minute to crow - I got my friday update done at precisely 11:59 this week, just under the wire. *grin*

Catching up

2005-08-13T22:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a loooong time since I posted here - I guess it's about damn time I wrote something. Prolonged dental drama kept me from doing any more than the most basic work on my site for nearly a month, when I was supposed to be renovating it in preparation for turning my boudoir into a subscription area. But at last I am caught up enough to do some tinkering, and since the munchkins are at their grandmothers' tomorrow I can get some real work done. I've made huge progress this evening already, and I'm feeling darn proud of myself. *grin* Sgt. and I also did a pretty satisfying photo shoot last week, which helps rebuild my stockpile of pics. We did three different costumes, and the gallery I posted on friday actually has a part two and three ready to go. For those of my members who keep a watch on this diary, you have an extra mini-gallery of nothing but upskirt shots, complete with stocking-tops, and one of lovely foot and shoe shots to look forward to. I've been practicing my pumping and dangling, bwahaha. We finished up the shoot with some good old-fashioned oral sex, me on my knees, mouth open and ready to receive. Thanks to that dental drama it's been a looong time for that too, and oh, how I missed it!

The issue of consent

2005-07-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

Recently someone said to me (I'm paraphrasing freely here) that they thought nobody could really consent to such extreme sexual practices as consuming shit & piss, severe s/m, and so on because those things were so very harmful that wishing to engage in them should be taken as de facto evidence of that person's being mentally unsound, and therefore incapable of consent. I want to leave aside the important question of whether these practices are harmful, and just look at this idea of consent. The ability to consent is essential to life as a free adult in our world. If you cannot consent to things you can't sign a lease, get a credit card, even make your own medical decisions. We judge a person's ability to consent on their being of reasonably sound mind, and their maturity. We also take into account that the appearance of consent can be coerced, through the use of drugs or alcohol, threats and violence, and misinformation. We assume that persons under a set age don't have the necessary maturity to rationally consent to things. We also make this assumption about people who are seriously ill, mentally and in some cases physically. In the case of the rest we grant that the person has the ability to consent, but that their ability to do so is negated by the circumstances which are imposed on them. Now let's go back to my friend's assertion: that the desire and willingness to engage in dangerous sexual practices is sufficient evidence to presume one's INability to consent. Is the desire to do something dangerous sufficient to make this judgment? What about when people want to jump out of planes? Climb high mountains, where loads of explorers have met their deaths? Eat puffer fish? Enlist in the army? Play the last period of the big game on an injured leg? People choose to put themselves in danger all the time, why is this different? Somehow, it seems, a person who chooses dangerous sexual activities is presumed ill, so severely ill that they no longer fit the qualification of "reasonably sound mind." It seems to me that the problem here is not the danger, but the sex. I may agree that playing at making some guy my toilet is disgusting, and I would certainly agree that such play requires utmost attention to safety issues, but does wanting such a scene mean this guy is incapable of consent? Would you refuse to let him sign a lease? Have a credit card? Make his own medical decisions? Why then is he incapable of making his own sexual decisions? Seems to me that it's much more dangerous to be negating people's ability to consent based on their sexual lives than it is to let the odd pervert engage in a creepy fetish.

Lady Cherie's Advice for the Lovelorn :-p

2005-07-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

I just loooove giving advice. Somebody oughtta hire me to write an advice column. No, really. No, REALLY. Anyhow, this is actually a bit I just wrote to post on the Panty Hog forum; and I liked it so much I wanted to spread it around. Although posted here I suppose it's more in the nature of a rant. :-D This is advice to a guy who is having poor results in meeting women on an online dating service. Now my advice is geared more toward the "adult" sites such as Adult Friend Finder or alt.com than say, eHarmony or match.com. Being married already I don't have much call to advertise in places where people are (essentially) looking for someone to marry; wheras I have advertised for, well, other things on the "adult" sites. But the principles are probably applicable to those places as well. The first thing to remember is that on those sites, guys outnumber girls by ten or twenty to one. So you really have to stand out from the crowd to get noticed. Number one tip: DO NOT SIT AROUND WAITING FOR THE LADIES TO CONTACT YOU because it isn't going to happen. These women are flooded with messages, they don't have time to go searching through the listings. You need to do the searching, and send a message to the girls that interest you. Tip number two, please, please READ her profile before you message a girl. Eg., if she's into nothing but black guys and you're whiter than rice, she's going to shoot you down for sure. That's why they have profiles, and all too many guys just look at a girl's pic and don't even bother to read the profile. With the volume of messages a girl gets, ones from guys who are obviously looking for something completely different will be ignored at best and flamed at worst. It's hard not to get annoyed when the tenth guy that day offers you something you explicitly said you don't want! Tip number three: Don't forget to write your own profile!!! It's there so others can get to know you, and you can bet that if your initial message catches her eye she'll be looking at your profile before she answers. Don't miss the opportunity to impress her; put some effort into it! Check your spelling and grammar, write in complete, understandable sentences. Don't rattle off the tired line about "I just want to please you" either; women (rightly) don't buy it and it just looks desperate. Say something about yourself, what you do for a living, what your hobbies are, whatever's really important to you. Besides hooking up :-p Tip number four: You should definitely post pictures with your profile, and they should NOT be pictures of your dick! Even a size queen will want to look at your face before she sees your penis. Remember too that most of the women won't have paid for a membership, so they won't be able to see your full-sized pic unless you send it with your message - so do send one (or more) and please, please, let it not be a pic of your woodie! Just imagine if you were anywhere else, and you walked up to a girl and whipped it out as you were saying hello. (I sincerely hope that the regular dating sites like screen for those! :P) Tip number six: When you write that first message to a woman you're interested in, once again put some effort into it! For heaven's sake say something more than "I'd like to meet with you, here's my phone number" Whyever should she respond to that? Remember, she's getting a LOT of messages, most of which run along the lines of "you're so hot, here's my email/phone number/instant message handle/home address, when can we get together?" These messages are boring (cause you get so many of them), rude (assumes you'll want to/have time to meet any old body), and unwise (nobody with any sense is going to meet with a stranger right away). Tell her what you find attractive about her, from her picture(s) AND her profile. Tell her what you would like to do with her (keep the naughtiness level appropriate to the forum - girls on alt.com are going to be more open to outright lewdness than those on a regular dating site). And finally, tell her something more about yourself. (Extra bonus tip - keep these items in that order - everybody likes to hear good things about themselves, and it'll get you off on the right foot with her. ) Tip number seven: Keep your own wits about you. A good percentage of the "women" who place ads at places like Adult Friend Finder and alt.com are actually people (male and female) trolling for customers. Some of them have worse things planned. And it wouldn't be any more wise for you to go giving out your home address & phone number or agreeing to meet a stranger in a motel room than it would be for HER. Your using good sense will protect your from being scammed, and it will impress her with your wisdom, coolness, and lack of desperation if she's for real.

Remembering Lenny

2005-06-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

There's this music video that I see constantly on "the n," which is the (if you ask me) lame-ass name for the tv station that is Noggin during the day. The video is the Black Eyed Peas' Don't Phunk with My Heart, and it always makes me think of Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce was a little before my time, but I've seen a few of his bits from archive footage, and what always stuck with me was this insight: "dirty" words can only be so if everybody knows what they are, and what they mean. Why does this video make me think of Lenny? Well, as played on the n, it's SUCH a classic example of the phenomena. There's a couple of little bits that are oddly - but not inexplicably - blurred. Now the whole video has a racy, wink-wink-nudge-nudge kind of vibe, but apparantly those persons who are in charge of making things safe for our kids to view decided that two things in this video - the bit where Taboo grabs the chick's ass and the words "Knock Boots" on the wheel at the end - were just too darn naughty for the 11-15 year old demographic the n's programming is aimed at. It's not as if you don't know he's grabbing her bum, the whole scene indicates it so much that you need not see the actual move to know what has taken place. And even with all my experience I have not the foggiest idea what kind of sexual position might result in one "knocking boots" But I damn sure know now that "knock boots" means sex. What has astonished me since the very first time I saw it played was the title - the word Phunk is such a blatantly obvious play on fuck, one of the dirtiest words available, I couldn't believe they let it through at all. I'm guessing that the censors who made the rest of the video safe for the kiddies let this one pass on the basis that it might also have been a play on "funk." However, contextually speaking, funk doesn't fit at all...don't musical style with my heart? See - it doesn't work. Don't screw with my heart - that works. It strikes me that what is actually going on here is not so much protecting the kiddies from naughtiness as it is teaching them what is naughty. Oh, I don't think the folks who slapped the blur on the video had any such thoughts in mind - more likely they were thinking "ok, the kids love this song but the parents'll flip if we just play it; we have to try and clean it up a bit!" But isn't that exactly how cultural conditioning works? Like I said, it makes me think of Lenny.

Mommy-Whore

2005-06-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

The very hardest part being a sex worker is integrating it with the job that comes first, being a mother. One of the reasons I started doing this was that I was sick, sick, sick of being JUST a mom, but it is still my first obligation. I'm not trying to hide my work from my kids. I am not ashamed of doing this, nor would I be distressed if my son or daughter chose a similar occupation. But you know, you can't exactly do a sexy cam-show with a couple of preschoolers scampering about. Even if it weren't illegal, most customers would still find it a turn off. *I* find it a turn-off. :-p I don't expect customers to have to deal with this; I figure once they've paid it's my job to give them what they paid for - just as I would expect from any other professional. I strive to schedule things so that my interactions with clients don't get interrupted, which is not easy. But the harder task is getting in the right mood for my work. After having spent an exhausting day dealing with godawful messes, nerve-shattering shreiking, and continual battles of will it can be difficult to play the sexy siren with any sincerity. It makes me laugh sometimes when guys show just how clueless they are about any of this. There's one fellow in particular who is always talking about me as if I were constantly exuding sex-appeal, always on the verge of ravishing somebody, barely in control of my erotic compulsions. That is so fucking ridiculous to me, when I spend most of my time wearing smocks decorated with peanut butter and playing tea-party or legos.

I wanna be a webwhore!

2005-06-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

There's a bunch of reasons I decided to start this diary, which will probably all come up eventually. But mainly what I mean to do here is talk about my work as a fledgeling web-whore. Kind of the behind-the-scenes perspective, and with the sort of "deep & philosophical" commentary that just doesn't happen when you're writing text to accompany a naked picture of yourself for the purposes of making a few bucks. Maybe that's a good place to start. If I was just writing to accompany naked pics of myself, and NOT trying to make some money at it, I would probably write whatever the hell I want. But although I'm not making stuff up when I write something for my site, my writing is always influenced by the knowledge that it has to appeal to somebody or I won't get paid. And if I don't get paid then eventually I'll have to find a no doubt ghastly job to pay the bills. I really like what I'm doing now. In fact, I love it. I feel like it's a calling, like I've been training for it all my life without even realizing it. I don't want some other job; I want to be a web-whore.